I Was So Afraid of the Dentist, I Left My First Appointment

I have a confession to make: the first time I tried to go to the dentist to start my smile journey last fall, I left. And when I say left, I mean I physically could not make myself go through with the appointment. I had made the appointment. I had gotten myself there. I had spent days mentally and emotionally preparing myself for it. But once I was actually faced with sitting in that chair and allowing someone to examine my teeth, the fear took over. So I went home.

For a long time, going to the dentist carried so much more emotional weight for me than simply having someone clean my teeth. There was fear of pain, of what they might find, of being judged for how long it had been, and that horrible feeling of giving someone access to such a vulnerable part of your body while you just lie there. And the longer you avoid the dentist, the more intimidating going back can become. It created a cycle: I'm scared to go → I avoid going → more time passes → now I'm embarrassed that I haven't gone → I'm even more scared to go . Breaking that cycle became one of the unexpected chapters of my Smile Journey.

Sometimes courage looks like making the appointment again. One thing I'm learning through this entire experience is that overcoming fear doesn't always mean you stop being afraid. Sometimes you do the thing while your body is still telling you that it would really prefer to be anywhere else. And that's essentially what I eventually had to do with the dentist. I had to find ways to make the experience feel safer for myself instead of waiting for the day when I magically wouldn't be afraid anymore. That shift ultimately became part of a much larger journey with my smile, including making the decision at 34 to get braces.

And THAT is something I had a hard time imagining I'd be doing.

I've been documenting what it feels like to intentionally change my smile as an adult—not just the physical transformation, but the emotional and identity shifts that have come along with it. The Smile Journey is where I share the more personal pieces of that experience: braces, confidence, beauty, aging, self-image and the strange little revelations that happen when the face you've known for decades begins changing. If you'd like to follow the journey with me, you can join the Smile Journey email series here → Smile Journey

I'm still learning, but these are some of the things that have made going to the dentist feel more manageable for me:

1. Tell the dental team you're nervous. I used to feel embarrassed admitting that I was afraid. Now I think it's useful information. A compassionate dentist or hygienist can explain what they're doing, slow down when necessary and check in with you throughout the appointment.

2. Ask questions before anything happens. Part of my anxiety came from not knowing what was coming next. Understanding what someone is about to do—and why—helps me feel like I'm participating in my care rather than having something done to me.

3. Give yourself permission to ask for a break. You don't have to prove how tough you are. If you need a minute, ask for one.

4. Start with the appointment you can handle. You don't necessarily have to mentally conquer every possible dental procedure before you walk through the door. Sometimes the first victory is simply getting an exam, meeting the dentist and finding out where things stand.

5. Find a provider who doesn't shame you. This one is huge for me. Shame makes avoidance worse. If someone makes you feel terrible for being afraid or for how long it has been since your last appointment, you are allowed to decide that they aren't the right provider for you. My hygienist is the sweetest woman ever. After I shared with her my dental fears, she shared her own story about helping her own Mother navigate the very same fears. I could tell she GETS it. She also complimented my progress in overcoming anxiety the last time she cleaned my teeth.

6. Celebrate the seemingly tiny victories. Making the appointment counts. Showing up counts. Sitting in the chair counts. Coming back for the next appointment counts.

For someone without dental anxiety, those things might seem completely ordinary.

For someone who once walked out because she was too afraid to stay? They're milestones.

The Smile Journey is about more than straight teeth.

Getting braces at 34 has made me think a lot about the relationship between our physical appearance and our internal world. Changing my smile has changed the way I look at my face. It's made me pay attention to confidence, vulnerability, beauty and the stories I've carried about myself for years. And strangely enough, one of the most meaningful parts of this journey isn't simply watching my teeth move. It's realizing that the woman who once couldn't stay for the dental appointment eventually became the woman who willingly signed herself up for an entire orthodontic treatment. I'm so proud of her. And my smile isn't finished yet. 💗

Want to follow along? Join my Smile Journey here →  Smile Journey