Closing the Gap: The Emotional Side of Changing the Smile I've Known for 34 Years
If I told you it was easy to make the decision to close my gap after 34 years of having it, I'd be lying. I've definitely shed some tears as I've watched it slowly disappear. I always loved the gap between my two front teeth. Both of my parents have one, so when I looked at mine, I saw lineage. I saw something inherited. Something that made my smile distinctly mine.
And in many cultures—including my own—a gap between the front teeth has long been seen as beautiful. So my gap was never the thing about my smile I felt I needed to "fix."
That's what makes watching it close so complicated. There is gratitude for what is happening to my smile, but there is grief, too. I'm saying goodbye to a feature I've seen in the mirror for my entire life. And yet, my Smile Journey has always been about so much more than closing a gap.
This Wasn't Just About Vanity
Over the years, I've had multiple teeth pulled. Eventually, the changes in my mouth began affecting everyday things I once took for granted. Over the last year especially, I struggled to eat and speak normally. And that made me cry far more than losing my gap ever could.
I think we sometimes forget that braces are orthodontic medical devices—not simply cosmetic accessories people wear because they want straighter teeth.
People pursue orthodontic care for many reasons beyond appearance. Treatment can be used to address problems with the bite and alignment of the teeth and jaws, improve chewing function, make crowded or overlapping teeth easier to keep clean, reduce abnormal wear on teeth, and create appropriate positioning for other restorative dental treatment. Of course, wanting to feel beautiful when you smile is reason enough to care about your teeth. But sometimes what looks like a "glow-up" from the outside is actually someone trying to restore function, comfort, and health. That's been an important distinction for me.
Closing More Than One Gap
Somewhere along this journey, I realized:
I'm not only closing the gaps between my teeth.
I'm closing the gap between hiding my smile and allowing myself to be seen.
I'm closing the gap between simply living with discomfort and believing my wellbeing deserves investment.
I'm closing the gap between the woman I've known and the woman I'm becoming.
And, in true Style Cosmology fashion, I'm closing the gap between my inner world and my outer expression.
That's the one I keep thinking about.
Style Cosmology has taught me that transformation isn't always about becoming someone else. Sometimes it's about bringing our external reality into closer relationship with what has already shifted internally. Our clothes can do that. Our hair can do that. Our environments can do that. And apparently, our smiles can too.
I've spent years developing a deeper relationship with beauty—not beauty as perfection, but beauty as care, intention, self-recognition, and embodiment. My orthodontic journey has unexpectedly become part of that practice. My face is changing. My smile is changing.
The way I see myself is changing. And I am learning that I can grieve what is leaving while still welcoming what is arriving.
What About My Lineage?
This may be the most tender part. Closing my gap doesn't erase where I came from. It doesn't erase my parents' smiles. It doesn't erase the generations of faces that somehow found their way into mine. My lineage lives in far more than the space between two teeth.
Maybe honoring where we come from doesn't always require keeping every physical marker exactly as we inherited it. Maybe lineage can also look like having access to care and choosing to use it. Maybe I can honor the smile that carried me through the first 34 years of my life while making room for the smile that will carry me into whatever comes next. There was nothing wrong with the old one. And I don't need to dislike who I was in order to be excited about who I'm becoming. That's something this journey keeps teaching me.
The Space Between
There is a strange little liminal period happening right now. My old smile is disappearing.
My new smile isn't finished. I'm somewhere in between. And perhaps that's why this experience feels so emotional: I can physically see transition happening every time I look in the mirror. There is no skipping the middle. So for now, I'm learning to honor it. The gap is closing. And in more ways than one, so am I. Not closing myself off— closing the distance between the life I have lived and the one I am ready to inhabit.
Come Along on My Smile Journey 💫
My smile is still changing—and so am I. I created The Smile Journey, a free email series where I'm sharing more of what this experience is teaching me about adult braces, beauty, confidence, identity, self-care, and learning to embrace yourself while you're still becoming.
Not just the before and after. The messy, tender, awkward, beautiful space in between.
If you're navigating your own smile transformation, considering adult braces, or moving through a season of becoming that has changed the way you see yourself, I'd love to have you along for the journey.
You don't have to wait until the transformation is complete to find beauty in who you are becoming.
Sending Love,
Mariya
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